...and then

This blog was somewhere in the back of my mind these last few years.  Never forward enough to prompt me to write again, but there nonetheless.

So, the last 4 years?  I have grown so much.  I got more counseling, EMDR to be precise.  What a difference!  That little taste of happiness after the phone call with my sister-in-law broke the dam. (If you are curious that call is the subject of my previous post)  It wasn't always easy, but growth is like that, right?  I felt like I cried more than I ever had, but I also felt like I could see forward.

A huge thing for me was to stop the negative self talk.  I had always had a self-depreciating sense of humor, but what others heard was just the tip of the iceberg of what I said to myself.  For the first week or so I chastised myself when I had a moment of negative self talk.  Then it occurred to me...when I wanted to help a child in my classroom change their behavior I didn't criticize.  I encouraged.  I praised.  I took that tact with myself.  I took No out of my internal vocabulary.  It wasn't easy at first.  Growing up putting ones self first was a no-no.  It was a hard habit to break, but I did it and I can't tell you what a difference it has made!  I learned to say, "Thank you" when someone offered praise instead of downplaying the compliment.  Voicing those words was easier than rewriting the script in my head.  Slowly, oh so slowly, I saw a difference.  

I learned to not only like myself, but to honesty love myself.  I recognize things I want to work on, but I love who I am and my journey.  Without all the bad (and the good) in my past I would not be who I am today and I think I am pretty darn cool!

As always, 

The Hopeful Romantic