There are two reasons for my recent posts.
1. an outlet for my feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc. about losing my husband
2. to let others in my situation an insight into how it can be
Some days are so tough to get through. For me weekends are especially difficult. Monday through Friday I go to work and have just a few hours each night to manage by myself. In those hours I take care of my two cats and one dog, make food for my dinner and my lunch for the next day. prep my work clothes for the next day, plus whatever else I can attend to. Pay bills, write thank you cards to people who have extended some kindness to me since Don died, laundry and so on and so forth,
Weekends are a whole other story. I used to look forward to weekends like so many people do. Not now. Too much time by myself. The quiet of the house doesn't help. I try to keep the radio or TV on, but even that is not always enough. I feel the sadness creeping up on me. I imagine if I did something when I first noticed I could do something. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I just let it happen. Crying is not a bad thing, but feeling myself sinking into despair is a bad thing. It becomes a downward spiral that is hard to stop.
Sometimes I tell myself to "fake it until you make it" and that can help. Can being the operative word. I will start something that I know I enjoy only to find that the sadness has other ideas. The tears stream down my face. Sometimes I sob, sometimes it is just tears, the endless tears.
I know it will not always be like this. I try to focus on that. I want to laugh, dance in the kitchen while I cook, smile at something that delights me. I will. I know I will. Right now it is hard for me to see that time, but tomorrow I will wake and go on.
The Hopeful Romantic